In The Bleak Midwinter

Firstly, I want to apologise for not blogging for such a long time! Life seems to have been very busy throughout this school year and I don’t know where the time goes to blog. One of my new year’s resolutions is to blog more though and I intend to stick to this, even if my blogs aren’t very long because blogging is a way to feel content after getting thoughts off my chest, to feel like an actual creative, passionate person and to feel inspired (feelings that school seems to dissipate if you let it.) I’m extremely annoyed that I let it.

A while back, I went through a phrase of feeling really depressed. Of course it’s normal to feel like that being a teenager and being in sixth form but I had never felt like that for so long. For weeks, I seemed to be stuck in a cycle of feeling so fed-up and I’m hoping that blogging and just generally trying hard to never get into that cycle will stop that from happening again. Anyway, now I’ve come back to my blog I don’t want to restrict myself with what I write because that’s no fun and what’s the point of limiting myself? Therefore, I did a bit of creative writing based on how I felt a while back…

She wakes in the  morning and waits for the time that she can go back to bed. It isn’t just winter blues: the feeling of sleep and ease is more exciting to her than most things these days. She wonders if she’s doing something wrong, if she should be feeling happier already but she carries on since that’s all she knows how to do.

She often thinks about what she’s good at. If she’s good at anything would probably be a more suitable train of idea, she thinks. She seemed to forget those talents a long time ago and hasn’t found it within her to look for them again. Yet all she wants is to be good at something, to feel confident with something about herself. That’s all anybody really wants but some people don’t struggle as much.

She wishes she could vent to someone. She tries to her family but solving this problems takes her, not just someone else. She worries too much with telling her friends- judgement is a constant thought at the back of her mind. She hates that it is.

Sometimes it’s easier just to cry. Cry until the day comes when she feels better. She’s scared it won’t but deep down, she knows it will. She knows life can’t be full of continuous happy days and she knows that she’s lucky in so many ways. She should focus on those things more than she does.

That still doesn’t stop her from being human. 

 

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